parents arguing with children watching nearby

Do Overs As Parents: How Betraying Partners Can Heal Relationships With Their Kids

Do Overs As Parents: How Betraying Partners Can Heal Relationships With Their Kids

Sometimes we show up in a way that we wish we could do over. It’s inevitable – we’re not perfect. Particularly as you progress through the stages of healing after infidelity, it can feel like every mistake is the end of the world. 

The next time you watch yourself scream at your kids, instead of waiting until they’re asleep to cry or sneak in their bedroom to hug them and kiss them and feel so much guilt…

What if you gave yourself permission for mistakes and do-overs as a parent? 

What if you could make a mess and have the privilege of cleaning up your mess?

There are ways to have healthy do-overs with your children and even your partner – when you make the conscious decision to learn to show up differently.

We’re joined in conversation today by Luke Gordon, whose story of recovery has been so powerful, and who has done the work to show up as a strong parent willing to heal the parent-child relationship.

What healthy do-overs as parents can look like

Show your kids that you’re going to get it wrong, and that you’ll make the effort to get it right. If you’re lucky enough to stop in the moment that you feel yourself acting out of alignment, great. If not, can you walk back into the room five minutes later and say, “I’m really sorry, that’s not how I wanted to react. Can I have a do-over?” 

It’s so impactful for kids to know that they’re not being raised by perfect humans, but by humans who are always making the effort. It gives you both the opportunity to connect through that shared humanness and vulnerability. 

The fear behind leaning into a do-over

Of course, as Luke mentions, the fear behind do-overs as a parent in recovery is that the healing connection between you and your child means they’ll get to voice when you’ve messed up in their view. That can be painful. But it’s also really rewarding to know they felt safe and open enough to share that with you.

Ultimately, your relationship with your kids is yours, separate from your partner. It’s up to you to create a safe environment for your children to be authentic with you. As they’re learning who they are, we as parents can’t let our own emotional baggage weigh them down. This is where we have the privilege of cleaning up our own mess.

You’ll Learn:

  • How to build your self-awareness to allow for healthier relationships with your kids
  • Ways to show yourself compassion through the regret and remorse of the healing journey
  • What it looks like to clean up your own mess and start showing up differently
  • How to let your partner clean up their own mess instead of taking it on yourself

Meet the Faces Behind the Voices

Image of Alana Gordon, Betrayal Trauma Coach and Master Life Coach Trainer
Alana Gordon, MFTI
Amie Woolsey, Betrayal Trauma Coach

Choose To Be is focused on women healing from infidelity, betrayal trauma, or from the sexual acting out of their spouse. We are a Christian based company, committed to helping women heal. Come be part of the conversation as we interview experts, others who have gone through this journey, as well as gain tools to help you move forward.

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