couple navigating partner betrayal trauma

Navigating Betrayal Trauma with Tony Overbay

Navigating Betrayal Trauma with Tony Overbay

If you’re new to the work of Tony Overbay, we’re so glad to be the ones to introduce you. 

Tony is, among many things, a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of The Virtual Couch podcast. Today’s episode is a real treat, because it’s an interview with Luke and Alana on The Virtual Couch for a betrayal trauma podcast. 

In conversation with Tony, Luke and Alana share vulnerable insights from behind-the-scenes in their marriage – including their history with betrayal trauma and their subsequent healing journey.

Overcoming partner betrayal trauma in marriage

Luke and Alana share that Luke was already struggling with pornography at the time of their marriage in 2002, and was “in the throes of addiction” when Alana discovered his addiction in 2006, although their healing and recovery journey didn’t get underway until 2014. 

Luke’s self-deception in regards to his addiction meant he also couldn’t be fully honest with Alana, and as a result he got used to compartmentalization and living a double-life to maintain his relationship to porn.

As is the case for many betrayed partners, it wasn’t the porn addiction itself that was the most hurtful to Alana – it was the lying and secrecy that kept the betrayal alive. 

So often in these circumstances, the betrayed partner just wants to know the truth, once and for all. But we now know there’s a helpful way to tell the truth — and then there are truths that can be harmful and cause further trauma to the betrayed partner.

It was (and is) a long journey to navigate betrayal trauma and embark on a healing journey. Through PTSD, separation, no-contact periods, recommitting to the relationship, and raising five kids, Luke and Alana’s story is full of moments you can relate to no matter where you might be in your recovery journey. 

You’ll Learn:

  • Why “staggered disclosure” is such a common theme in partner betrayal 
  • The difference between disclosures that are healing and disclosures that are harmful
  • The cost of not having a mental health professional in the early days of their healing
  • How to understand trauma triggers with the analogy of the box


Meet the Faces Behind the Voices

Image of Alana Gordon, Betrayal Trauma Coach and Master Life Coach Trainer
Alana Gordon, MFTI
Amie Woolsey, Betrayal Trauma Coach

Choose To Be is focused on women healing from infidelity, betrayal trauma, or from the sexual acting out of their spouse. We are a Christian based company, committed to helping women heal. Come be part of the conversation as we interview experts, others who have gone through this journey, as well as gain tools to help you move forward.

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Hyper-vigilance after betrayal refers to a state of heightened alertness and sensitivity to potential threats or signs of harm specifically in the context of experiencing betrayal. It is a response to the emotional trauma and loss of trust that comes from being betrayed by someone who was expected to be loyal or trustworthy. It is a common response to betrayal trauma following a disclosure. 

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