Recently, I found an old journal post that brought me back to the days of my journey to heal. It talked about Kintsugi, “to repair with Gold,” the Japanese art of repairing pottery or broken objects with gold or silver lacquer. The cracks reveal the history, restored with gold and love, leaving it more beautiful than having never been broken. (April 2015)
I love this idea, that something could become more beautiful for having been broken. I’ve been broken and God has been at work in me.
Over the last year and half, I have gone to the store to find my own vase or bowl to break. I have bought four vases, but each time when I got them home were so beautiful that I just couldn’t break them!
The other day my 3-year-old broke one of my favorite vases. It shattered.
Just like my life before D-day, I was happy. I did not want it to break. But sometimes things happen to us that we don’t chose. And we are left to clean up the mess.
As I sadly swept up the pieces to throw it away, I remembered this technique. I looked at the vase. It was too broken. Then I thought about when everything came out. My marriage was too broken to be repaired. I was too shattered. It all seemed hopeless.
How fitting I thought.
So, I took all of the pieces to my desk. All week I’ve been working on this little vase. It’s a slow tedious process. Some parts are too broken to fit the tiny pieces together. In those spots I need more of the glue to make up the difference.
It is like the Savior. He is slowly putting me back together piece by piece. He is slowly healing me. Some spots couldn’t be repaired and put back. He discards them and fills me with his love. With Him I can not only become complete again, I will be more than I ever was.”
I think back to this time where I couldn’t foresee who I would become or where my life would go. I am put back together with gold. My cracks, my story… it’s mine. It makes me who I am today. There is beauty, depth, and understanding in my soul that only came through my brokenness.
So, if you are in the middle, pieces laying all around, don’t give up on yourself. Turn to others and turn to God. A healed person is more beautiful than having never been broken.
Article written by Alana Gordon, MFT -I. Alana is the co-owner of Choose Coaching, LLC specializing in betrayal trauma and addiction coaching. She is a MFT-I, CSAT candidate and a betrayal trauma coach. To learn more about Alana or to book an individual coaching session, visit ChooseRecoveryServices.com
