therapist and client sitting across from each other in an office

Processing Betrayal Trauma

Processing Betrayal Trauma

How do you know if you’re doing the work it takes to heal? One big aspect of doing the work and healing is learning to process what’s happening and allowing yourself to feel all your feelings. 

But there can be some confusion about what that actually looks like when it comes to processing versus venting. Here are the differences between the two, and how knowing these differences will keep you out of unhealthy patterns and progressing toward healing from betrayal trauma.

The difference between venting and processing

We’ve all heard someone vent in an unhealthy way – dumping how they’re feeling on everyone else with no desire to really understand it, see their part in it, or work through it, simply chasing validation and relief. 

Processing is actively seeking to understand your situation. Why is it happening? Why am I responding the way I’m responding? What’s happening inside of me? What do I want to do with this? What action steps do I want to take? 

How processing (not venting) leads to healing

Your brain uses a lot more energy to process than to vent. And by biological nature, we want to take the easiest route. When you’re figuring out how to find yourself again after betrayal trauma, it makes sense to be drawn to venting verbally. It seems like a quicker way to start moving forward.

But venting doesn’t actually heal or move you forward.

If you’re only venting, you just stay on the treadmill of forever venting and not actually progressing.

Processing, on the other hand, leads to the deep work of asking the hard questions, digging within to find the answers, and honing our internal focus of control. 

As we always say, “Our power lies within our own control bubble.” It’s about how you think or feel, and in turn, how you respond. Processing allows us to slow down and figure out what’s happening externally, outside of ourselves, and what’s happening internally, so we know what to do next.

You’ll Learn:

  • How to tune into yourself and your needs so you can make space for processing
  • What processing looks like in real life and how to help yourself do it compassionately
  • Why slowing down is actually getting you to a healthier place faster


Meet the Faces Behind the Voices

Image of Alana Gordon, Betrayal Trauma Coach and Master Life Coach Trainer
Alana Gordon, MFTI
Processing Betrayal Trauma 1
Amie Woolsey, Betrayal Trauma Coach

Choose To Be is focused on women healing from infidelity, betrayal trauma, or from the sexual acting out of their spouse. We are a Christian based company, committed to helping women heal. Come be part of the conversation as we interview experts, others who have gone through this journey, as well as gain tools to help you move forward.

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