Two boys using a tablet

Talking to Your Kids About Pornography

Talking to Your Kids About Pornography


No matter how old your kids are, having conversations around sexuality is important. Particularly when you learn that your child has been looking at pornography, communication is key. 

While sex can be a sensitive topic, you don’t have to go into it blind. We’re sharing several tools that will help you create opportunities for open communication with your kids when it comes to healthy sexuality. 

Please note: if this topic feels really uncomfortable to you and brings up a lot of negative emotions, we’d advise you to do the one-on-one work with yourself around any negative narratives to get to a safer place. To be able to have conversations around healthy sexuality with your child, you need to be grounded in a healthy place yourself.

Be Proactive and Have a Plan

Statistics show the average age of porn exposure is eight years. Kids are constantly on the internet, increasing their chances of being exposed. It’s important to to have a plan for what they should do when they see a pornographic picture or video that makes them uncomfortable. 

Use everyday experiences to normalize conversations about sexuality, like talking about the hypersexual billboard you just drove past on the highway. If your kids have questions, don’t be afraid to talk about it or pretend you didn’t see it.

Shocking or scaring our kids when it comes to sex is harmful on its own, because it leads them to act out of fear rather than acting based on their own values.

Know and Teach Your Values

Many of the values we’re taught culturally and religiously impact how we think about the body and sexuality. Everyone’s values are different – even within families. Knowing and teaching your core values to your kids will help them learn what their values are and how they play into porn. 

Understanding themselves enough to know what their values are and to know what’s important to them is a foundational piece for your kids to figure out what’s within their values sexually, and what isn’t aligned.

Be Okay Saying, “I Don’t Know”

You don’t have to know everything and have all the answers immediately. When your kid asks you something that stumps you, it’s an opportunity for you both. Say, “That’s a great question, can I find out and get back to you so we can finish this conversation?” 

We can’t protect our kids from everything. They’re going to see porn, their bodies are going to react, and it doesn’t mean they’re bad or translate into sexual addiction in teenagers. Our job as parents is to bring these issues out into the open, talk about them, and not let them hide away to become a source of shame.

We’re excited for you and your family as you make more space to have these healthy conversations. It’s deeply important work to help your kids to accept a very real part of themselves and navigate what healthy sexuality looks like. 

You’ll Learn:

  • Why it’s healthier not to have “The Talk” and what to do instead
  • Age-appropriate tools kids can use when they encounter porn
  • How to create safe, healthy conversations without shame or judgment
  • The best books on how to set boundaries when it comes to porn


Resources:

Good Pictures, Bad Pictures

Very Well Family

Defend Young Minds

Fight The New Drug

Jennifer Finlayson Fife


Meet the Faces Behind the Voices

Image of Alana Gordon, Betrayal Trauma Coach and Master Life Coach Trainer
Alana Gordon, MFTI
Talking to Your Kids About Pornography 1
Amie Woolsey, Betrayal Trauma Coach

Choose To Be is focused on women healing from infidelity, betrayal trauma, or from the sexual acting out of their spouse. We are a Christian based company, committed to helping women heal. Come be part of the conversation as we interview experts, others who have gone through this journey, as well as gain tools to help you move forward.

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