woman looking for healing from betrayal trauma

Step One In Healing From Betrayal Trauma

Step One In Healing From Betrayal Trauma

We’re always talking about self care for women when it comes to healing from betrayal trauma, and that’s because despite the popularity of the term, many of us aren’t actually doing it. It can be really hard to create space for that surrender and stop all the doing to take care of ourselves. Today it’s just me, Amie, and we’re going to dive right in.

When it comes to healing from betrayal trauma, self care is one of the most important tools you can turn to.

The impact self care has had on my healing and in my life is significant, and I want to encourage you to consider strengthening your conviction in the practice of your wellbeing.

The benefits of self care for women

When I was a young mother, I had a limiting belief that good moms don’t take time away from their children – especially not to have fun or to play or do something for themselves. I could justify my own doctor’s appointments, but even then I would still feel a little guilty leaving my kids with my mother-in-law.

But to play or have fun doing something to replenish me? I thought, “No, mom shouldn’t do that.”

So when I work with women, I do that self care check. I ask, “How’s it going?” And it’s so interesting to see how the brain will justify and rationalize why self care isn’t happening. 

When we don’t practice self care consistently, we start to see negative internal effects. We create inner chaos, we get burned out, we go into controlling mode. But when we do start to care for ourselves, we start to regain healthy control over our own bubbles. We start to have more peace in our life. We’re more fulfilled, and we can be a little bit more flexible when things unexpectedly change.

Using self care to heal from betrayal trauma

Just as we’d tend to a scrape or a wound on our physical body, we have to pay attention to the wounding of our emotional body. We’re so quick to judge our mental or emotional pain, push it down, tell ourselves to suck it up and walk it off.

But if we had a cut or scrape that was bleeding, we wouldn’t do that. We’d open up our first aid kit and use those tools to help heal ourselves.

Self care is no different. It’s an addition to your tool kit, particularly in healing from betrayal trauma.

You’ll Learn:

  • What to expect from your brain when you’re new to self care
  • How to work with a nervous system that’s in survival mode when healing from betrayal trauma
  • A checklist of what self care is NOT and how you can embrace what it is


From the episode

Andy Puddicombe TED Talk

Meet the Faces Behind the Voices

Image of Alana Gordon, Betrayal Trauma Coach and Master Life Coach Trainer
Alana Gordon, MFTI
Step One In Healing From Betrayal Trauma 1
Amie Woolsey, Betrayal Trauma Coach

Choose To Be is focused on women healing from infidelity, betrayal trauma, or from the sexual acting out of their spouse. We are a Christian based company, committed to helping women heal. Come be part of the conversation as we interview experts, others who have gone through this journey, as well as gain tools to help you move forward.

Related Posts

Bonus Episode Healthy Attachments with Dating Expert Loni Harmon

Bonus Episode: Healthy Attachments with Dating Expert Loni Harmon

Clearly we were meant to cross paths with dating expert Loni Harmon, because we share passions about very similar things. We love helping women and men who are trying to navigate dating and really date healthy. And when you’re setting your priorities in a healthy relationship, one of the first things you want to consider is what we’re discussing today: healthy attachment.

Read More »
woman looking sad as man looks out the window

Trauma Bonding Part 2 and Overfunctioning

As a continuation of our discussion on trauma bonding from last week, we’re bringing a second topic into the mix: overfunctioning. Overfunctioning in relationships is a pattern where one person tends to take on all the thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities for both people in the relationship. It’s a way of establishing a sense of control – a common result in cases of trauma bonding where the balance of control is disproportionate.

Read More »